I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
