you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
