i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
it glows. i had to have it.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I need moral support for this bender
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
