Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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