Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
