I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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