people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She even gives head with a lisp.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
