I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
