I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I am midnight drunk by noon
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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