Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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