I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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