Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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