I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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