I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
