i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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