I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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