She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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