real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
