Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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