thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
