Pants 0. Shit 1.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
