The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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