He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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