i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
