I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
