I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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