I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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