I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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