I think I died a long time ago.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
