Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
farters have to be the big spoon...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
