you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
