Cold hands, warm shart.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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