I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
