sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
