I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
