I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
