I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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