Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
