do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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