Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
