I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
