You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
