I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
