Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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