Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
