I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
