I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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