I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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