You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
