It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
